Pyongyang wants you to know that it didn’t hack Sony but it’s also SUPER MAD about “The Interview” and it will WREAK TERRIBLE VENGEANCE on all of us for such a flagrant insult:
While steadfastly denying involvement in the hack, North Korea accused U.S. President Barack Obama of calling for “symmetric counteraction.”
“The DPRK has already launched the toughest counteraction. Nothing is more serious miscalculation than guessing that just a single movie production company is the target of this counteraction. Our target is all the citadels of the U.S. imperialists who earned the bitterest grudge of all Koreans,” a report on state-run KCNA read.
“Our toughest counteraction will be boldly taken against the White House, the Pentagon and the whole U.S. mainland, the cesspool of terrorism,” the report said, adding that “fighters for justice” including the “Guardians of Peace” — a group that claimed responsibility for the Sony attack — “are sharpening bayonets not only in the U.S. mainland but in all other parts of the world.”
Have you ever heard of “little dog syndrome”? It’s the tendency for little dogs to behave aggressively with people and bigger dogs, which people usually ascribe to some kind of dog inferiority complex but is actually caused by owners indulging behavior in their little dogs that they would never allow in a bigger dog. DPRK has the geopolitical version of little dog syndrome. The Kim dynasty has run the country so deep into the shit that there’s really no way out at this point. A North Korean person’s average life expectancy at birth has dropped 5 years over the past 3 decades. Their people live in destitution while the ruling class pilfers whatever it can to wrap itself in luxury and opulence. Potential contenders for the throne (or whatever) are being purged like it’s the 17th century Ottoman Empire or something. Plus, militarily they can’t really hurt anybody else, and the higher echelons of the ruling group know this. They’re a very tiny toy breed in the global dog show. Consequently, just as many small dogs tend to yap and growl a lot, North Korea’s leaders tend to yap from time to time about their military might and their plans to unleash it on the rest of the planet in some catastrophic way.
Think about it, though: even if DPRK really was behind this hack (which is still an open question for a lot of cyber-security experts), it means that the country put its cyber resources into an effort to embarrass some executives at a movie production company for making a film that pokes fun at Dear Leader. That’s, uh, chilling. Real evil genius-type stuff. Continue reading