(That’s 1 Corinthians 14:34, for those playing at home)
¡Ese torero maravillosa cabriolas poco se lleva una capa roja muy bonita!
Shorter His Eminence “100% all-male heterosexual masculine thunder” Timothy Michael Cardinal Dolan, Ph.D., D.D., SWCM ISO G*M, Cock Bar NYC
It is because we deeply and truly honor the devotion and service of our Catholic sisters so much that we can tell them to shut the fuck up about poors and stop looking at us funny anytime we’re in the same room as an underage boy, or Jesus is going to send their stupid bitch asses straight to hell.
Most of it is boilerplate “some of my best friends are Negroes/homos/camel jockeys/etc.”-style buttering up, but by the end he wants you to know that, goddamnit, these nuns have been nice and all, but when did they start flapping their yaps without permission?
Contrary to what you may have heard, Rome loves the Sisters! When you love someone, you show concern. And, recently, the Vatican expressed some concerns about the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR), a group that represents a lot of Sisters.
Right! See? We here at NAMBLA Worldwide love us some lady-folk. We’re just concerned that they might have started thinking for themselves, is all, and we know that nobody wants that, so let’s just nip it in the bud, am I right?
That expression of concern contained high praise for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, and even higher esteem for all the nuns in America. The concord between the Holy See (which asked for and initiated the Leadership Conference of Women Religious half-a-century ago) is strong enough for both sides to ask tough questions.
For example, the nuns ask: “Why are you guys spending all your time obsessing over men having sex with each other? And what are you doing with that boy there in the janitor’s closet?” And then the bishops ask, “Bitch, who the fuck told you that you were allowed to speak?” It’s the strength of the concord that allows such tough questions to be asked.
But the concern is real: the Holy See loves the Sisters so much they want them as strong, faithful, and influential as possible, and legitimately worries about features threatening their very identity as “daughters of the Church,” to borrow Elizabeth Ann Seton’s favorite description of her sisters.
…and like any other daughter, we want them to exhibit that strength and faith by doing and saying only what we tell them to do and say, and only when we tell them to do or say it. It’s called “equality.”
Some say that Rome is too soft, and should have suppressed the Leadership Conference of Women Religious , because it is heretical; one letter even called them “Unitarians”!
Yes, “some say.” You sisters wouldn’t want “them” to get the wrong idea, right?
The other extreme claims that the stuffy, oppressive, sexist Vatican is scared of these independent, free-thinking women, and should leave them alone.
But, I mean, the Vatican? Sexist? How can we be sexist when we spend so much time trying to help you gals out with all those important doings up in your uteri? We know you can’t handle that shit on your own, baby, so we’re here to tell you what to do and take that weight off your shoulders.
But such caricatures hardly help. All that helps is humility in both partners, and a profession of faith that, in the end, it’s not about one side or the other, not about the grievances of the Leadership Conference for Women Religious or the worries of the Vatican, but it’s all about Jesus and His Church.
Which, you know, He didn’t appoint no Holy Mother to run it, see what I mean?
If the Sisters can survive the battlefields of the Civil War, they’ll survive the dramatic changes of the last five decades, and the current examination by Rome.
Yeah, you little ladies will be OK. Just stop thinking and everyone will be fine. OK, sweetie, you run along now. There’s a good girl.
And what is never in question is our love and gratitude for the Sisters!
Gosh, that’s swell, but the question we really had was: are you guys ever going to stop raping children and then covering it up?
Hello? Anything? Anybody there?
(I apologize profusely to Sadly, No! for stealing basically their entire format.)