the republican parable of the two debtors

(that’s Luke 7: 36-50, in case you were wondering)

36 And one of the Pharisees desired Him that He would eat with him. And He went into the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to meat, but this meat was of exceeding toughness and lacked flavour, so He speaketh unto the Pharisee, Let us away now to the house of mine friend Bobby Flay, who might prepareth for us a steak of great succulence, in My mercy.

37 And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the establishment of Flay, brought an alabaster box of ointment,

38 And stood at His feet behind him weeping, and began to wash His feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed His feet, and anointed them with the ointment.

39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner and evidently a moocher also too.

40 And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.

41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.

42 And when they had nothing to pay, he giveth funds unto a legislator to write a new law to prevent these and similar moochers from making declaration of bankruptcy unto the Lord. And forthwith he didst package the debts of the two moochers into a credit default swap, which he sold unto his friends by convincing them that this was an investment of exceeding quality, and thus he collected substantial talents from his friends when the moochers failed to pay. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he maketh the most generous arrangements as unto interest rates and payment schedules. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.

44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.

46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.

47 Wherefore the woman did ask unto Him if she might partake of a crust of bread from His table, and He summoned the manager to removeth her from the premises.

48 And He said unto her, Thou cannot makest a stable living weeping on strange men’s feet and rubbing thine hair upon them. Seek ye to borrow money from thy parents, perforce to open a business that might cater to those who wish to pay for others to cry upon their various appendages and brush hair unto them.

49 And they that sat at meat with Him began to say within themselves, Who is this that dispenseth such sound financial advice?

50 And He said to the woman, I jest not with thee; leavest thine costly ointment as payment for mine advice and begone, for we are trying to eat.


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