shock the monkey

Bill Maher goes on Leno, puts up $5 million to charity to challenge Donald Trump to produce his birth certificate to prove that he’s not the offspring of his mom and an orangutan. Trump, hilariously, has his lawyer treat this seriously:

January 8, 2013

Mr. Bill Maher

Real Time with Bill Maher
CBS Studios
7800 Beverly Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90036

Dear Mr. Maher:

I represent Mr. Donald J. Trump.  I write on his behalf to accept your offer (made during the Jay Leno Show on January 7, 2013) that Mr. Trump prove he is not the “spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.”

Attached hereto is a copy of Mr. Trump’s birth certificate, demonstrating that he is the son of Fred Trump, not an orangutan. Please remit the $5 million to Mr. Trump immediately and he will ensure that the money be donated to the following five charities in equal amounts: Hurricane Sandy Victims, The Police Athletic League, The American Cancer Society, The March of Dimes, and The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.


Scott S. Balber

Here’s my problem. Note the document Trump’s lawyer attached and referred to as his client’s “birth certificate”:


This, my friends, is a short-form “certification of birth.” As we all know from the tireless work of Mr. Trump and his friends and colleagues in the institutionalized fringe media, such a document is virtually worthless in terms of validating someone’s birth and parentage. Until we have Mr. Trump’s original handwritten long-form birth certificate in hand, there can be no conclusions drawn from a short and easily forged document such as what Mr. Trump’s attorney has provided.

So now we’re left with one overriding question: what is Mr. Trump, through his attorney, trying to hide by releasing this wholly inadequate substitute for the truth? I am dispatching a team of professional investigators from the fasteddie’s wonderments home office to New York State to learn what they can regarding the serious, serious questions that now exist about Mr. Trump’s birth and parentage. To be clear, I do not personally believe that Mr. Trump was conceived during a sexual encounter between his mother and a Bornean orangutan at the Seneca Park Zoo in late 1945. But there are clearly some very troubling concerns that must be examined.


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