EXCLUSIVE: Full Text of Rand Paul’s State of the Union Response

We’re lucky to have been given an advance copy of Senator Rand Paul’s State of the Union Response. Senator Paul has been a good friend to this blog, and we are grateful for his continued support. Here is Senator Paul’s speech, in its entirety:

My fellow Americans, I speak to you tonight in frank terms about the state of our union. Earlier, you may have heard President Obama talk about his vision for America, a vision based on more spending, more taxes, and more job-stifling regulation. President Obama’s sees an America where “inequality” and “poverty” are the great challenges of the day, and frankly I couldn’t disagree with him more. My friends, when I look at America today, after five years of liberal experimentation, I see, instead, an America that looks very much like the plot of the 1985 film, “The Goonies.”

In the film, the Goonies, a group of friends living in the “Goon Docks” neighborhood of Astoria, Oregon, face foreclosure on their families’ homes from the expanding Astoria Country Club. On their last weekend together their morale sinks particularly low because Mikey’s (Sean Astin) older brother Brand (Josh Brolin) failed his driver’s license exam, thwarting their plans to “cruise the coast in style.” While rummaging through the Walshes’ attic, they find an old newspaper clipping, a Spanish map, and an artifact relating to a rumor of a lost pirate treasure somewhere in the area. Hearing the call of adventure, Mikey tries to persuade his friends to join him in search for the treasure hoarded by a pirate named One-Eyed Willie. Initially reluctant, the group eventually decides to evade the authority of Brand, and escape for one last “Goonie adventure.”

It’s eerie how well the filmmakers anticipated what America would look like almost three decades later.

Anyway, the Goonies head down the coast and stumble upon a derelict seaside restaurant that seems to match coordinates set by the map and an old doubloon. They are unaware that the Fratellis, a family of fugitives, are using the restaurant as their hideout. After first encountering the family, the Goonies come back after the Fratellis have left and discover their criminal intents. They send Chunk (Jeff Cohen), the group’s clumsy, heavy-set dreamer and teller of tall tales, to get help. However, the Fratellis return before they can leave, forcing the Goonies to use a cavern underneath the restaurant to escape. The Fratellis capture Chunk and interrogate him, learning nothing until a colony of bats burst out of the cavern beneath the restaurant. Chunk is placed in the same room with the forsaken and deformed Fratelli brother, Sloth (John Matuszak), while the rest of the Fratellis enter the cavern and follow the Goonies’ trail.

As the Goonies traverse the cavern, Mikey discovers that it matches up with the map and convinces the rest of the group to continue to follow it to find the treasure. They overcome many deadly traps set by One-Eyed Willie, and eventually arrive at a large underground cavern and a lagoon where Willie’s ship, the Inferno, lies waiting. While others begin to fill their pockets with the riches on the ship, Mikey locates Willie’s remains, and reverently acknowledges him as the “first Goonie”, leaving part of the treasure with him as a mark of respect. However, as the Goonies exit the hold, they are cornered by the Fratellis, who take the kids’ treasure and force them to walk the plank. The Goonies are saved by the timely arrival of Chunk and Sloth, now close friends, who help the rest of the group to shore. With the children no longer a threat, the Fratellis ransack the rest of the ship, including the share of the treasure Mikey left for Willie. This sets off a final booby trap, causing the cave to begin collapsing. The Goonies flee through a hole in the cave, finding themselves on a beach. Two passing policemen spot them and call in for help.

I hope you’re seeing the parallels, my friends, because they’re all over the place.

The Goonies are soon reunited with their families while the Fratellis are taken into custody and Chunk offers to take Sloth into his home. As the Astoria Country Club calls upon Mikey’s father to sign over the final deed to his property, Rosalita (Lupe Ontiveros), the Walshes’ maid, discovers that Mikey’s marble bag contains a large handful of precious jewels taken from the ship. Mikey’s father quickly estimates that their value is more than enough to save the Goon Docks. As the families rejoice, they spot the unmanned Inferno, now free of the cave, drifting away.

This is the America of today, but, with your help, I plan to keep fighting for a better way forward. Thank you, my friends, and God Bless America.


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