How to be a big-time news-paper columnist, just like Marc Thiessen

Step 1: Get a prominent job in politics
Step 2: Write a book, ideally something salacious; for example, you could defend torture as a legitimate practice in counter-terrorism
Step 3: Get hired as a columnist for the worst editorial page in America
Step 4: Kick back, collect the bucks from your sinecure, and churn out hard-hitting columns like this (emphasis mine):

Team USA’s defeat of Russia at the Sochi Olympics is being called the biggest U.S. Hockey win since the 1980 Miracle on Ice. It was a thrilling victory, to be sure. And if the U.S. wins the gold, it will be a great moment for American hockey.

But it will be no Miracle on Ice.

If you’re wondering whether Thiessen was able to go on for another 600+ words explaining the flaws in a comparison that he acknowledges nobody is actually making in the very first sentence of the piece, let me assure you that he was.

Now that you know what to do, my friends, go forth and columnize!

"Also I must strenuously disagree with the millions of people who keep comparing me with Mahatma Gandhi. It's flattering, but I can't go along with that."
“Also I must strenuously disagree with the millions of people who keep comparing me with Mahatma Gandhi. It’s flattering, but I can’t go along with that.”

Author: DWD

writer, blogger, lover, fighter

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