The ultimate marriage of form and function

Do you ever get mad that your furniture doesn’t offer a lot of good places to stash your many firearms? Well, “concealment furniture” is what you need, and New Jersey Concealment Furniture will make it for you:

The company is called New Jersey Concealment Furniture, and it sells an array of products, including coat racks, coffee tables and night stands, that are built with secret compartments to store firearms. The designer and builder of the furniture, Dan Ingram, described his products as something “between locking a gun in a safe and keeping it under your pillow.”

Please tell me they make a pillow that will hold my fully automatic Steyr M1912 machine pistol, please please please…

The newspaper said Ingram has a longtime familiarity with guns, in part because of his hobby as a Civil War re-enactor. He told the Democrat his ancestors came from Georgia, where they fought for the Confederacy. He even uses the song “Dixie” as the ringtone on his cell phone, according to the newspaper.

A Civil War re-enactor who makes furniture to hide people’s vast array of firearms turns out to have a thing for the Confederacy? What a shocking turn of events.

I’m really in the market for a sleeper-sofa-RPG holder, or possibly an ottoman that converts into a TOW anti-tank weapon, but I don’t see anything like that on their website. This wall coat rack that holds your wallet and a semi-automatic pistol is a no-brainer for when one of the undesirables tries to follow you into your house after a hard day’s work:

Stand your ground in style with this baby, am I right?

And I think we can all agree that everybody should have a coffee table that can hold their main assault rifle:

That pizza delivery guy intruder will never see this coming.

But I’m not so sure about this one:

I mean, obviously you need a gun with at least 2 spare clips in your nightstand at all times, but what if you’re a forgetful person, or can’t tell your left from your right under pressure, and when your home is attacked by a burglar/Jehovah’s Witness/meter reader/kid selling magazines for school, you make for the gun cabinet and come up firing grandma’s antique pearl necklace instead of your constitutionally protected sidearm? You’re dead meat, or at least you’re going to be stuck buying a shitty magazine subscription. They might want to rethink this one.



2 thoughts on “The ultimate marriage of form and function

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