What’s it going to take to get you in this Mitt Romney today?

As America waits with, uh, what’s the opposition of anticipation? for Mitt “Mitt” Romney to finally decide whether to crank his perpetual campaign back into gear, there’s a lot of talk that “Mitt” has recalibrated his AI reinvented his political persona yet again. Now, apparently, the guy who wrote off the poorest 47% of the electorate in 2012 wants you to believe that he’s the One True Champion of the Downtrodden, or something:

“It’s a tragedy, a human tragedy, that the middle class in this country by and large doesn’t believe that the future will be better than the past,” he said. “We haven’t seen rising incomes over decades.”

“The rich have gotten richer, income inequality has gotten worse and there are more people in poverty than ever before under this president,” he added.

Romney stressed his years as an LDS pastor, a topic he and his campaign rarely broached in 2012, and described working “with people who are very poor to help them get help.”

What makes “Mitt” a uniquely incompetent candidate is that he somehow doesn’t realize that reinventing himself like this over and over again actually hurts him. It’s easy to see what he’s doing, as long as you understand fundamentally who and what “Mitt” Romney is: a salesman. For most of his adult life, when he hasn’t been trying, usually without success, to sell his political credentials to the electorate, he’s been selling Bain Capital to investors. In both cases, the product has been the same: he’s selling himself. But the instinct of a salesman, when the product doesn’t sell, is to change the message around the product again and again until it resonates. For a politician, whose salesmanship is supposed to be subtle enough that the voters don’t realize they’re being fed a pitch, that doesn’t work. By the third or fourth or eighteenth (or whatever we’re on at this point) reworked sales campaign, the candidate looks less like a leader and more like a desperate used car dealer trying to unload a lemon.

“Look, uh, I have to talk to my manager, but if you vote for me I think I can get the undercoating thrown in at no charge.”

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