Conspiracy theory faceoff

Ever since I got the first whiff of the emerging right-wing conspiracy around the military’s Jade Helm 15 training exercise, I have gone to great lengths to avoid hearing, seeing, reading about, or otherwise coming into contact with any mention of the whole story. There’s just nothing to it. We’re talking about a group of low-information rubes who can’t even comprehend the cognitive dissonance created when their constant, vapid, and loud demonstrations of love for “The Troops” runs headlong into their paranoia that those same troops are about to seize control of their home state and throw them all into FEMA camps or whatever. They’ll be pandered to/egged on for a while by a cadre of cynical and/or stupid right wing politicians who either actually believe the conspiracy theory could be true or realize that it offers a great chance to make some money and score some political points, then the actual exercise will start and the military either will or will not conquer Texas (SPOILER ALERT: it will not). The total inaccuracy of the conspiracy nutters will be immediately forgotten, thereby allowing them to move on to the next borderline insane conspiracy theory without even a moment’s worth of self-reflection.

Unfortunately, I was blind to the real damage of conspiracy theories like the one around Jade Helm 15: they distract people from the real conspiracy, which is of course that radical Islam is taking over the country, aided and abetted by President Barack Hussein Kenya Obama, if that is his real name and it’s not something even Muslim-ier:

The anti-Muslim group known as the Center for Security Policy published an article on its website on Thursday telling people not to worry about whether the military training exercise known as “Jade Helm 15” is a secret plot to institute martial law in conservative states like Texas.

Instead, the group’s director of state legislative outreach, Tommy Waller, recommended that people worry about “the ACTUAL conspiracies that are firmly rooted here in America.” Namely, that the Muslim Brotherhood is bringing creeping Sharia law to the U.S.

Frank Gaffney’s Center for Islamophobia Security Policy is, along with Robert Spencer’s “Jihad Society of America” (or something like that) and Pam Geller’s “Throw All the Muslims in the Ocean Association” (or whatever, I don’t really care what any of her 78,483 hate groups are called), one of the leaders in the “terrify white Americans into giving you their money to protect them from Muslims” industry.

With its focus on the existential danger posed by, well, any practicing Muslim, really, CSP actually welcomes counter-terrorism exercises like Jade Helm 15 that demonstrate that at least some part of Kenya Man’s government isn’t totally hell bent on changing America’s national motto from “In God We Trust” to “Allahu Akbar.” So you can imagine that they’re a bit dismayed to see that elements of their usual target audience (reactionary idiots) actually seems to be opposing this exercise. On the other hand, CSP is really trying to thread a needle in arguing that the crypto-Muslim in the White House is allowing Islamists to infiltrate the US government but he is also ordering his military to conduct good-faith counter-terrorism exercises on American soil. It’s much simpler to just assume that everything Obama does is Bad, which is where the Jade Helm 15 nutters are at. Anyway, it’s a sad case study on the potential for two perfectly good crazy conspiracy theories to chip away at each other’s basic insanity.


2 thoughts on “Conspiracy theory faceoff

  1. Welcome to my world. Between the Educated Mothers who refuse to let their children be crippled by the poisons known to be in the vaccines, the Activists who refuse to let themselves be crippled by the poisons known to be in our food, and the Administrators who actively cripple my research into the poisons known to be killing our bees, the wonder is that I have any time and space left to develop the miracle drugs for which everyone will clamor to be released immediately – without even the minimal testing required to ensure safety and effectiveness. People want things to be black and blue and green and red and invisible – all at the same time – and they want it now god dammit.

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