It’s OK to stop (or: An Open Letter to All American Media)

Dear US American media:

While I appreciate that, for some reason, you’re very keen on starting each new presidential campaign months before you started the one before, I want to make sure that you’re all aware that we are still nearly a full year away from the 2016 election. The world, and our nation, will change many times in totally unknown ways between now and then. Candidates will drop out, and we’ll learn more about the ones who don’t. Maybe we’ll find out that Ben Carson really did stop Lex Luthor from blowing up the sun, or whatever. A lot of things can happen between now and next November.

My point is, you don’t need to keep obsessively focusing on every shift in the presidential campaign as though the election were next week. More emphatically, my point is that, if we’ve truly reached the point where the story of the day is that a man who will not be president says he would definitely go back in time and kill Adolph Hitler as an infant, a thing that cannot be done, then MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP COVERING THE GODDAMN RACE FOR LIKE A WEEK OR SO, FOCUS ON SOME OTHER NEWS OR EVEN JUST RUN SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED DEAD AIR, AND SEE HOW THAT GOES.

While I don’t pretend to speak for all Americans, I feel fairly confident in saying that there will not be a big groundswell of people urging you to return to your usual campaign coverage. Please give this some thought. I only want what’s best for all of us.

Your Friend,


“If you’re interested in who else I would kill if I had a time machine, just ask. I keep a list.”

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