Your PATRIOTIC AMERICAN GUIDE to pronouncing terrorist words like a REAL AMERICAN

Noted Eye-rain-ian Ayatollah Assahola
Thanks to The Federalist’s M.G. Oprea for explaining to us all that people who try to properly pronounce foreign words of an Islamical derivation are clearly ISIS sleeper agents:

You may have noticed something different in the way some people, including various presidential candidates, talk about Islam depending on whether they are Republicans or Democrats. No, I’m not referring to the Democrats’ refusal to say “Islamic terrorism,” sticking instead to the euphemistic “Jihadi terrorists” or the bland “extremism.” I’m referring to how people are pronouncing the words themselves.

During the Democratic presidential candidate debate on November 14, some on Twitter commented on the pronunciation of the word “Muslim” by Hillary Clinton and the other candidates. Rather than the common Americanized pronunciation of “Muz-lim,” they opted to pronounce it “Mooss-lim,” with a long “o” sound in the first syllable, and an “s” sound rather than a “z”.

Similarly, the Left tends to pronounce the word “Islam” not as “IZ-lahm,” like the majority of Americans, but rather “Iss-LAM,” with the “s” sound replacing the “z” and with the emphasis on the second syllable rather than the first.

Frankly, I’ve always suspected that anybody who tries to pronounce any word as though it contained the letters it actually contains is probably trying to kill me and my loved ones. But if you doubt Ms. Oprea, just listen to this (if your stomach can take it):

oooo, “Pahk-i-staan,” I see. Allawa Kawalla, Mr. “President,” I see what you’re up to here.

Look, friends, at the risk of alerting the ISIS agents among us as to how they might pass for regular people, I’m going to share with you the way that all true American patriots should pronounce the following words that either refer to or are regularly used by your basic evildoer type people. Please refer to this list and use the material contained herein, for America and Freedom:

  • Arab: AY-rab
  • Assad: “ASS add”
  • Ayatollah Khamenei: (trick question; Persian words are unpronounceable to the American tongue)
  • Baghdad: “bag dad”
  • Iran: “I ran”
  • Iraq: “eye rack”
  • Islam: “sharialaw”
  • Mosque: “terror palace”
  • Muhammad: “Moo-HAM-mad” (really emphasize the “ham,” because all American Patriots know that saying a word that sounds like it’s related to pigs causes Muslims to melt)
  • Muslim: “Musselman”; “Mohammedan” or “Saracen” in polite conversation
  • Quran: “core ANN”
  • Refugee: “terrorist”
  • “Allahu Akbar”: (nothing; maybe let a little pee out)

Thank you for reading, and God Bless America!

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