Any candidates or would-be candidates out there who might happen upon this, let me offer you some advice.
I am not a veteran of the war room or the trenches or whatever dumb war metaphor you people like to use to describe taking money from very rich people to pay for the advice of other very rich people, but I’ve learned a few things in my years on this planet. One of the things I’ve learned is this: don’t publicly offer to donate money to charity only if somebody else does something for you. There’s a word to describe people who do stuff like that: asshole. And while the people of this country have elected more than their share of assholes over the past 238-plus years, we generally like our candidates to pretend that they’re not assholes until after we’ve elected them.
Don’t come out of the asshole gate too quickly, is what I’m saying. You’ll have plenty of time to be an asshole once you’re in office.
I hope this advice helps. Don’t worry about crediting me for it, I’m just doing what I can.
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